My Angels

I wear a silver medallion with the Angel Michael on one side, and the Angel Gabriel on the other. I got this medallion Sunday, October 12, 2008 at the Renaissance Festival in Bonner Springs, KS. I had it struck precisely at 2:47 p.m. My father and I were both born at 2:47 p.m. It is a precious medallion to me.
Gabriel is the patron saint of writers and communicators. That would be me. I call on Archangel Gabriel to help me find the right words. Gabriel's name means, "Strength of God."
On the other side of the medallion is the Archangel Michael. Known as, "He who is Like God," Michael is strength - the protector. For heaven's sake, he's pictured as a powerful archangel wielding a sword and stepping on Satan's head. He is very strong - but also patient and merciful.
Enoch 70:11-16 shows that Michael, Gabriel, Raphael and Phanuel always 'escort' Yahweh [God the Father], whenever He leaves His Throne. Since Gabriel and Michael escort God, I'm feeling pretty good about wearing their "likeness" around my neck.

The Voices In My Head

I have a million and one things to do. I need to do laundry. I need to clean and organize my home. I need to vacuum. I have a giant pile of paperwork on the kitchen table. I have a report to finish for my job. And those are all things I would do before I do the one thing I really DON'T want to do but MUST do - deal with finances. It's all so overwhelming. And I'm so tired. I can't seem to find the drive and the energy I used to have. Sometimes I wonder, did I just use it all up? Did it burn brightly for so many years and then just die? Or would a clearer sense of purpose reignite it? I never feel good anymore. I can function, but I don't feel GOOD. I'm so tired - so worn out. My head always hurts. All I want to do is sleep.

I have two voices of conscience. One tells me, "Why fight it? You've been fighting for so long. You made it to where you wanted to be, then circumstance knocked you down. Seems like you'd learn nothing you do really matters, so just check out. Go back to bed. Just do what you have to do to get through the day, then forget it. You'll never get out of this place, so why bother to try?" It is a soft, sweet, seductive voice. A voice giving me the easy way out. A voice telling me it's OK to give in, to give up, to lay down and quit fighting.

Then there is the other voice of conscience. I think it may be Nana. She says, "Suck it up and quit whining. Do you think you're the only person bad things happen to? Do you think it's OK to just give up? Do you think it was easy for your parents? Did they give up? No. They know you can do this. I know you can do this. Bruce knows you can do this - he's depending on you. You will create your own future, and it begins now. The future you create by giving up and going back to bed will not be pretty. This mess is not going to clean itself, so get up. Get off the computer - not another blog or another game of solitaire. Put a load of laundry in the washer and sit down at the kitchen table to do the report for your job. Then you can work on finances. Get at least 10 pages done. Be in bed by midnight, so you can get up and go to work tomorrow. You'll have clean clothes to wear, and you'll be that much closer to your goal. Your future is bright, can't you see it? Look up, ask God for help, and know he is with you. And I'm watching, so don't let me down."
This voice is not nearly as soft, sweet and seductive as the other one, but her message rings with a clearer truth. I know what I have to do.

Sorry folks, Nana has spoken. Gotta go. I'll let you know how it all came out.

kg

Tough times never last. Tough people do. -Robert Schuller

Friday the 13th, 2nd ed.

This entry comes to blogspot.com from a post on a different blog (also mine) that has long since gone by the wayside. I don't post there anymore, but I thought this particular musing was appropriate, since my last post here was a rant on the negative "luck" I experienced in 2008.

February 2009 brings us yet another Friday the 13th, as does March and November. There was only one Friday the 13th in 2008 - it occurred in June. There will be only one Friday the 13th in 2010 and 2011, and it will occur in August and May, respectively.

Depending on the superstition, the day may be considered "lucky" or "unlucky." The Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina, estimates 17 to 21 million people in the United States are affected by a fear of this day. In Scandinavia, Friday the 13th was at one point considered the luckiest day of the year. (Thank you for the info, Wikipedia.)

Some arm themselves with protective amulets for this particular day. Perhaps carrying a lucky coin or a four-leafed clover. Personally, I think the 13th is as good as any other day.

My mom was born on the 13th day of November. Sometimes her birthday falls on a Friday. I'd say the simple fact that she was born makes me pretty lucky. Having her born on the 13th just makes it better.

What's so scary about the 13th anyway? Just because some Hollywood moviemakers decided to put together some adrenaline-pumping entertainment and call it "Friday the 13th" (2, 3, 4-ever), doesn't make the day bad. In fact, the date has done so well for that franchise, they plan to release a remake of the original Friday the 12th movie on February 13, 2009.

Here are some historic 13th's - whether or not the day happened to be Friday, well, my research didn't go that far...:

Januray 13, 1930: The comic strip "Mickey Mouse" made its debut in American newspapers.

February 13, 1966: The Rolling Stones appear for the first time on the Ed Sullivan Show.

March 13, 1881: Alexander II, emperor of Russia, is assassinated by a bomb thrown into his carriage by a member of a revolutionary group, the Narodnaya Volya (People's Will). (Ok, so this wasn't so good for Alexander II, but then again, he probably wasn't carrying his four-leafed clover that day, either.)

April 13, 1964: Sidney Poitier becomes the first African American actor to win an Academy Award, for his performance in Lilies of the Field.

May 13, 1918: The first U.S. airmail stamps, with a picture of an airplane and costing 24 cents, are introduced.

June 13, 1983: U.S. space probe Pioneer 10 passes Neptune, becoming the first human-made object to leave the solar system.

July 13, 1865: Edward Whymper, an English artist and pioneering mountaineer, becomes the first person to climb the Matterhorn, in the Alps. On the descent, four of his companions fall to their deaths. (Ok, It wasn't so easy finding good things that happened the 13th of July...)

August 13, 1942: Bambi, Walt Disney's fifth animated feature, opens at New York's Radio City Music Hall.

September 13, 1916, Roald Dahl was born. He is the author of children's classics Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and James and the Giant Peach.

October 13, 1792: In Washington, D.C., the cornerstone of the White House is laid.

November 13: My mom was born, and (quite a few years later) my second cousin Abigail was born.

December 13, 1642: Dutch navigator Abel Tasman discovers New Zealand. (Was it uninhabited at the time? Seems like the folks who lived there might have had an idea it existed. I'm thinking they didn't call it New Zealand, though.)

Thought for the day:
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Goodbye, 2008! (Don't let the door hit you)

I wave goodbye to 2008, and embrace 2009 with hope and high expectations. Touching briefly on the low points, my job of 14 years at the newspaper was eliminated in October, 2007. Now I work for our local cable company as a clerk. I still get to write advertising copy and do some of the other things I really enjoy, but essentially I was knocked down to the bottom again and have to work my way back up. I'm grateful to have a job, but I'm still a little bitter. Bruce was laid off in August. That hasn't been horrible so far, because he has been doing contract work for them. Unfortunately, the plant is closing December 24, and nobody knows how long it will stay closed. That's a little scary, but nothing as scary as what happened in October. Bruce hadn't been feeling well, and was off work. He called me because the carbon monoxide alarm was going off. He checked the battery (which was fine), and noticed he could smell natural gas. I came home from work, and we called the gas company. The gas company man came out, and his electronic gas sniffer registered levels of carbon monoxide and natural gas that were too high to be normal. He couldn't find a problem, and asked me to open the basement door. (Our basement door is like a trap door in the floor.) I did, and saw there was 8-10" of water standing on the basement floor. "Please don't tell my husband," I said to the man. Unfortunately, a pipe had burst over our water heater, filled up the basement with water and ruined the water heater. This issue, of course, required informing the husband. We had to replace the water heater. Yeah. A couple weeks later, it got chilly outside and we turned on the heat. Rather, we turned on the furnace. There was no heat. The water had gotten into the furnace, so we had to replace it, too. While all this was going on, Bruce still wasn't feeling well, and hadn't been feeling well for about six weeks. He went to the doctor several times, but the morning of October 19 he couldn't breathe. We went to the emergency room, and a chest x-ray showed a nasty case of pneumonia and a CT scan showed he had blood clots in his lungs. He couldn't breathe because he was suffering a pulmonary embolism. I was very fortunate to be able to bring him home October 29. He's much better now, and I am grateful every day to have him with me.
Bruce had been home for a couple days, and was feeling better. He had just done the dishes (Yes he does that horrible chore for me. Envy me. He's awesome.) We were both standing in the kitchen and heard a horrible noise. A joint in the hot water pipe under the sink had blown out. We opened the cabinet door under the sink and water sprayed everywhere. Naturally, it was just below the shutoff for the sink, so we had to shut the water off for the whole house for a day, until our angels of mercy, Bruce's sister Diana and her husband S.W. came to St. Joseph from Warrensburg to rescue us. S.W. is a plumber and fixed the problem (he's awesome, too).
As bad as the last part of 2008 has been, we made it through with the help of our amazing families. I'm pretty sure we couldn't have faced all of that without divine intervention, plus Mom and Dad, Judy, Diana and S.W., and many others.
There. I've said it. The past year has been really hard. I appreciate the lessons learned, but it can't be over soon enough for me.
Goodbye, 2008! Hello, bright 2009!

A woman of leisure

For three glorious days I have been a woman of leisure. I took Friday off, because the weather here in the midwest has been as close to perfect as it gets in January. I've been making beads. Mostly bad beads, but melting glass with a blowtorch brings its own satisfaction. For now, good beads are just the icing. Anyway, here's a picture of the bad beads, so as I get better, the whole www will know. Husband Bruce has been sick since Friday. Bad cold. I'm sure he's quite contagious, so NO KISSING. This is a bad thing, because kissing your husband can be really nice. Still, it has been a good weekend. FYI, any and all donations will be happily and gratefully accepted to buy supplies in order to feed my beading habit.

My NEW Wish Book

Wow. Remember the Sears Wishbook that used to come out before Christmas. The back of the Wishbook was FILLED with toys and other wonderful things children could wish for at Christmas time. I LOVED the Wishbook. I would go through the toy pages and pick ONE THING on every page that I wanted. This was an exercise in creative decisionmaking, since sometimes I wanted two or three things on a given page. Don't get me wrong, we didn't actually GET everything we picked from the Wishbook pages, it was just fun to look.

Yesterday I got my very first Firemountain Gems catalog. Oh - My - God. It is the New Wishbook in my life. Such beautiful beads and findings. If you're a beader and don't have one, go to the website and order one. You won't be sorry.

Well, it's Friday night, and I'll share a little about the week. Not the creepy stuff, just the good stuff. A friend brought me six zucchinis. I have eaten three of them. Heavenly! I've been picking tomatoes - about 12 cherries and 2 Romas a day, and I even got one ripe Celebrity. Delicious. Maybe by Sunday I'll have more ripe ones. And it looks like my own zucchini plant is battling the bugs and may produce 3 or 4 more zucchinis in the next week or so. I think I need to go get some Sevin and spray it (It is spray, right? This is my first year with more than one vegetable in the ground, and I've never used a pesticide before)

Through a little creative financing, I was able to pay the car insurance, a credit card bill, and two loan payments, and have just enough left over for groceries. I'm pretty happy about that. Bruce had lunch at a Chinese restaurant today. His fortune cookie said "Your financial troubles will soon be over." I hope that doesn't mean he'll be collecting on my life insurance!

This evening I brewed a pot of Green Tea. It made about half a gallon. I'm drinking some now, picturing those antioxidants attacking the vicious and malicious free radicals. Gosh, I must be getting healthier by the second. I've got coffee ready to brew in the morning, and some refrigerator crescent rolls that I might make for breakfast if I feel like it. I might try adding a thin layer of grape jelly, or honey, or sprinkling some cinnamon and sugar on them before I roll them up to bake them.(You don't suppose that's going to counteract the hard work of those Green Tea antioxidants, do you?) After breakfast I'll go to Michael's Craft Store - I actually have two orders for bracelets that I need to finish by Sunday, and I need to invest in some alphabet beads and some burgundy glass beads.
After that, Bruce will probably take me to lunch. That's always nice. I love weekends with my husband.

Then I think I'll into the office (at MY leisure) and work on some projects that need to be done by Monday. Then I'll be able to come home and do real-life work. The plan is to get ALL of the laundry done and some more jewelry for the Expo made this weekend. If it all works, I'll post more pictures.

That's all for this evening. Keep leaving comments, I really do appreciate them and love to read them.

Some Tasty Jewelry Pix IV

These are the sterling-wrapped crystal earrings I decided to keep for myself, even though my neck isn't long enough to wear them right. I just put them in the upper holes and wear a pair of single dangling crystals in the lower holes. They make such a pretty, faint, musical sound when the crystals touch each other.

Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh Bracelets

I really like these little bracelets. The brown beads are myrrh - a hard resin often used for incense. The tiny gold beads are gold filled (not plated), and I have worn mine every day for a month and the gold has not flaked or worn off. The dark colored beads are garnets, but I hope to buy some frankincense (also a resin, although I've never seen it sold as a bead). If it's sturdy enough, I plan to drill the frankincense resin and string it in place of the garnet for bracelets made of gold, frankincense and myrrh. I think they'd make great stocking stuffers for Christmas. If the frankincense doesn't work out, I'll stick with garnet or other small semiprecious stone. Scroll down for other pictures of my recent work. As always, whether you love it, hate it, or fall somewhere in the middle, your comments are invited and much appreciated.

Some Tasty Jewelry Pix III

This one has a great mix of colors, created with glass beads and sterling silver beads. The heart-shaped beads on the earrings and the bottom necklace drop are amethyst-colored glass with foil inside and a tiny floral design. The teal and purple colors look great together, especially mixed with the shiny sterling. The long beads you see are AB glass tubes - really nice luster. It has a sterling lobster claw clasp for security. The matching earrings hang 1.5 inches from the bottom of the french hook earwire.

Some Tasty Jewelry Pix II

I really like this one. It's made of green dichroic glass on leatherette cord, sterling silver "X" beads and sterling bali beads. The necklace is 24" long, and the bottom drop is 1.5" long. The earrings are on sterling french wires, and hang 1.5" below the earring wire.

Some Tasty Jewelry Pix I

Here are some recent pieces I've made for the Women's Expo this September. Let me know what you think. This necklace is made of dichroic glass on leatherette cord (not genuine leather, more like heavy, thick, cottonish cord). It has a sterling silver S clasp. The matching earrings hang 2 inches from the bottom of the french hook.

Sunday Night Whining Part II

Ok, I whined a little, felt a little better, decided to try to scan some of my new jewelry designs to post. They really are nice. What do you know - I couldn't make the scanner work. What a perfectly crappy end to a perfectly wasted day. Let's try to end this one on a positive note, too. Last night I made some gorgeous earrings from small sterling wire-wrapped quartz crystal points and sterling chains. They really are pretty. I decided not to sell them, but to keep them for myself. When you wear them and the crystals touch each other, they make the faintest wind-chime sound - very pretty, very musical. Of course, they are made for someone who actually has a neck, but I'm keeping them anyway. If I can get the scanner to work later, I'll post a picture of them, too. Please visit again soon, next time I post I hope to spread more cheer than gloom.

A Little Sunday Night Whining

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate having a beard? How much I hate sharing a profile with Humpty Dumpty? How little the phrase, "Pretty is as pretty does" means to so many people who really are physically beautiful?

I don't even feel pretty anymore. It doesn't matter how healthy I eat, or even if I exercise. Cushings Disease is hideous. They tried to fix me and it didn't work. The last MRI showed an empty sella, meaning the radiologist couldn't even see a pituitary gland where it should be. This tells my endocrinologist that I should be adrenal insufficient, but I'm not. I still produce at least twice the normal amount of cortisol, and they can't seem to stop it. I can't seem to convince them that I must have a spare pituitary somewhere under all this flab (did I mention I share a profile with Humpty Dumpty?) and they need to suck the fat out to find it.

Of course, the fact that my doctors can't seem to do anything to make me better means nothing to the hospital billing department. I just get to keep paying them as the doctors continue to "practice." What a crock. I've said before, in my "Rant to the Medical Community," it's a racket. They should have told me before my resources were all gone that I should go somewhere that deals with this disease more often than they do, which is pretty much never here in the heart of the midwest.

That's all about this for now. I don't feel very good. Although...

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

Our tomatoes have been ripening nicely. We've picked several cherry tomatoes, about five Romas, and the Celebrities should start getting red soon. They will be particularly nice with cottage cheese or tuna salad. And today, I picked the first zucchini off the vine. It was delicious. And it didn't cost $1.69 a pound.

Need Advice from Women who Love Jewelry

Ok, I'm working on jewelry for the September show. I've got some great dichroic glass pieces, I'm diligently working on more breast cancer awareness bracelets. I have some with organza ribbons - very cute in my opinion - some without the organza, and some strung on memory wire. If you've never worn a memory wire bracelet, you should try it. Memory wire is kind of like a slinky, only smaller diameter. It never loses its shape, and you can use 1 or 2 loops, or 6-7 loops, depending on how bold you like your jewelry.
WHAT I NEED is some advice on the types and lengths of necklaces girls/women prefer these days. Short, choker style (16 inches?) longer (18-24 inches?) or adjustable (16-20 inches?) And what colors are "hot" right now? Black and white always seems to be popular. Right now, for summer, I'm seeing a lot of orange/hot pink mixes(uh, ick). This is my dilemma - I know what I like, but I can be a bit freakish and wear things that other people might, uh, avoid. So what's in? Big and bold? Small and dainty? Jewel tones or pastels? Help me out here, ladies.

Any comments would be GREATLY appreciated.

Breast Cancer Awareness Bracelets

I'm working on some Breast Cancer Awareness jewelry for a Women's Expo in September. I have a few of the bracelets done. I think these with the organza bows are pretty, but I'm making several styles. They're actually more pink than the picture shows. The awareness ribbon charm is sterling with pink crystals. I decided to sew it directly to the organza ribbon so a) the ribbon wouldn't come untied and, b) it would stay securely on the bracelet. I thought I could sell them at the Expo for $12 each, and donate 25 percent of each sale to our local YWCA for their breast cancer program. I'd appreciate any comments.

It is a Very Good Day

Today has been a remarkably good day. I feel pretty good - not too much pain - I feel like I have a little energy and a little creativity. I'm ready to do some work that I brought home from the office, and I'm ready to make a little jewelry. I'd kind of like to make a nice dinner, but may end up with frozen pizza, just because I want to do some other things. And it's only 6:00 in the evening!
Bruce is taking a shower, and then he'll probably go sit on the porch for awhile. Mom and dad sent me a box of stuff today. Mom found some Nads hair remover and sent it. Cushing's disease has given me a beard, so I wax my face every 10 days or so. Sorry, I don't want to be vain, but having a beard really disturbs me. I feel much better about myself when the hair is gone.
And we're getting ready for the Expo in September. Mom and I are going to have a booth with our jewelry. Mom makes beautiful Angels. And I found some great little sterling silver breast cancer awareness charms. I'm going to put them on some stretchy beaded bracelets, and give half of the profits to the local YWCA. I'm going to ask them to use the money in the Encore program, but the Y helps women in a lot of ways, so they can use it for whatever they want. Sometime I'll post a picture of the bracelets. If anybody reads this and wants to comment, please do.
Off to do other fun things,
KG

It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To

I guess since nobody's reading my blog (first whine), I'll just write anything I want without fear of retribution.

I am so tired of the fight. Just so tired of grinding away every day. The grinding works both ways you know - I grind away against the day, and the day grinds away against me.

I'm tired of budgeting, stretching, shrinking, trying to manage too many bills with not enough money.

I'm tired of trying to figure out how to make it all work out.

I'm just tired.

Long Time, No Blog

Have you ever noticed that fly-hatching thing in the springtime? I have a couple of flies in my house driving me NUTS. ZZZtt. ZZZZzzzzttt. ZZttt. And they're big, fat flies. I've got to invest in a fly swatter.
Last week was an exquisite kind of hell. I'm on a team that does special sections for a newspaper. Our second-largest section of the year went to print yesterday. It's an all-local piece focused on information for new residents and visitors to the community. I love the piece, and I like my work. Weeks like last week - way too much work with way too little sleep - used to be the reason I stayed in journalism. There's no rush quite like seeing something you've put your heart into come off the press looking good. It's still a good feeling, but I'm getting too old and tired for the projects that make you live at the office (yes, we even have showers in the building) and nap sometime between 4:30 a.m. and 6 a.m. in the ladies lounge. I went to bed last night sometime around 8 p.m. and slept for 13 hours. I felt much better today.
So it's been several days since I've posted. Not that it matters, I looked at the site meter and the last time anybody looked at this blog was June 1, and they were just clicking through.
An interesting thing happened today. We got a note from the post office saying we have a certified letter from the City at the post office that we must sign for. Since it's Saturday, we can't get our letter until Monday morning. We're trying to figure out what it could possibly be. We don't think we've broken any ordinances, although there are a few blades of grass in the sidewalk. Our taxes are up to date. But it must be something important for the city to spend my tax dollars sending out certified mail.
Be back later, got to go be creative now.

A Rant for the Medical Community

I have come to the conclusion that I am the only one who reads this blog. That's OK. If nobody is reading, I can rant, rave, scream to the page, and I will be the only one who knows I sound like a lunatic. And I suppose lunacy is best kept private. Other people might find it disturbing.
BE WARNED.
IF YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY, THE FOLLOWING WILL MOST CERTAINLY OFFEND YOU. DEAL WITH IT.
Paid bills today. Right now I owe the hospital about $3,000 for a brain surgery (technically, pituitary surgery), radiation and a slew of chemicals that didn't work. I think I shall call the billing department Tuesday and ask them to put me on the life insurance plan. By that I mean, since they didn't come close to curing me, they can leave me alone until I die a slow and progressively painful death and my husband will pay them with the life insurance he collects.
Does it make sense to anyone out there that we have to pay for services that didn't work? If I take my car to a mechanic, and pay him for a service that falls apart, he has to take the car back and do it right because I've already paid him for the service. If a lawn service tears up your yard, do you pay them? So why are hospitals and doctors any different? OH, NOW I remember, they call it PRACTICING (she said, slapping her surgically invaded forehead). I guess it really doesn't matter whether or not they get it right. They get paid ANYWAY!
My hospital even has the nerve to call itself "non-profit." Right. They just spent at least six months redesigning and resurfacing and re-everythinging a damn parking lot. They couldn't even get THAT right the first time.
(Actually, I don't think there was anything wrong with the parking lot, but "non-profits" can't show a profit, so they have to spend it on something, right?)
Now, they're having such fun collecting from me and my insurance company, they want to send me to ANOTHER hospital that they think can help me. They should have told me in the beginning, "We don't deal with this disease often enough to be effective. We think you should go somewhere that is better equipped to handle this case." But no. They sucked up all the resources I have, and NOW they want me to go to either Mayo or Vanderbilt University. Hell, there's room enough for everybody on this gravy train, right?
Wrong. I can't afford the bills I have now, and I don't intend to pile more onto my debt load to pay more medical professionals who may or may not be able to find their asses with both hands. While insurance may cover the medical stuff (as long as the insurance company considers it "reasonable and customary,") it will not cover the cost of getting there, or the cost of a motel room for my husband for GOD knows how long while a bunch of doctors and med students stand around scratching their heads. Oh, and when the insurance company pays the amount that it does consider reasonable and customary, I'M responsible for any amount over that, but you don't know what's reasonable and customary until you get your EOB from the insurance company and the bill from the hospital/doctor/lab/insert your own health service provider here. Now, if my insurance company pays what's reasonable and customary, why am I charged for what's unreasonable and not customary?
What a racket.

I think next time I see a doctor, I'll just sit on the table, tell them to stick a toothpick in my belly button, and if it comes out clean, I'm done.

The Jackass

Occasionally friends send me funny emails, and if I like them enough, I save them. This one is long, but it still makes me laugh. Enjoy.

This is for all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know!

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is J.D. Johnson, could I please speak to Melissa Lewis?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Melissa's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Melissa, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk, 555-8863. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I’d call him up. He'd answer, and I’d yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me; I would have to stop calling the jackass.

Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

A few weeks later, I was waiting to park at the mall and an elderly lady took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. "Great," I thought, "she's finally leaving." All of a sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can’t just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy got out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, “This guy’s a jackass.” There are sure a lot of jackasses in the world.

Then I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number and I hunted for another place to park. A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 555-8863 and yelling, "You're jackass!" (It’s really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I better call this guy too. He answered the phone and said, "Hello."

I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It’s a yellow house and the car is parked
right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes."
"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.

After I hung up, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while, things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after a while of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution: First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. The man answered nicely saying, "Hello." I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.

The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. Its a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.

Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I’ll kick your ass."
"Well, here’s your chance. I'm coming right over, Jackass!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home.

Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to West 34th Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious! I got to watch two jackasses beat the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a television news crew!

In Honor of Final Exams

The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can't steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled
his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers.

Male or Female Brain?

Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Can't believe I didn't win

I just can't believe I didn't win Powerball last night. Nobody else did, either, but I spent my dollar, and I really expected to have a $129 million return. (about a $40 million return after taxes). I guess I'll have to settle for a larger jackpot Saturday.
Actually, buying a Powerball ticket, for me, is spending a dollar on a multi-million dollar dream. It is spending a dollar for the opportunity to imagine the possibility (however slim) of never worrying about another bill or partial payment for the rest of my life. Never worrying about a $500 or $1,000 car repair, or any other unexpected expense. The chance to dream about taking care of people who have taken care of me forever.
Of course, while I love to imagine those things, I conveniently do not dream about the problems that must come with having so much money. That part just doesn't figure in to my $1 investment.
For now, since I didn't win, and I have not yet purchased a ticket for the next Powerball drawing, I will limit myself to thinking about how to make these dreams come true with some ingenuity, some hard work, and maybe some entrepreneurial spirit.

Credit card companies move FAST

And so it begins. At the urging of credit card companies and their cohorts, the federal government takes a step to make it more difficult to file bankruptcy. Now I read that major credit card companies are doubling their monthly minimum payment requirements. Why? Because they can. They'll make their money back, because those people who can no longer make the minimum payment will be forced to default, and their interest rates will double. And they can't file for bankruptcy because it won't matter. You'll never get back on a level playing field.
There are a lot of people living from paycheck to paycheck, myself included. And yes, I have significant credit card debt.
I accept most of the blame for this, but some of the blame has to go to the credit card companies. They make it SO easy. They know how much you make. They know how much you owe. They access your credit report to decide if you're creditworthy, and if you have a few dollars left over at the end of the pay period, they flood you with credit card offers with 0 interest for a period of time, and promises of low interest rates after that. So occasionally, you apply for one. You might want to make a major purchase, or you might need an expensive car repair that you can't afford otherwise.
But mostly, you're responsible, and you spend Sunday afternoons shredding mail that has too much of your personal information printed on it, so no one else can use those "special codes" on those offers with your name to apply for credit.
The good news is, if you can afford the higher minimums, and don't use your credit cards, you can get out of debt sooner. The bad news is, if you're living paycheck to paycheck like I am, you have to figure out a way to afford the new minimums.
Sorry, folks, I have enough to worry about. I'm juggling already, I have medical bills coming in fast and furious, with a lot more of that to look forward to this year. And now I need to find a second job when I live in a town where a lot of people have a hard time finding a first job. Boy, am I looking forward to a bleeding ulcer that will bring in YET MORE medical bills.
I'm NEVER voting for another Republican again. EVER.

Used to sculpt bizarre little heads with Sculpey clay. Haven't done this in a long time, but now that I've learned to post pictures, I might have to start doing it again.